Dear Princess Darby,

Is a person who accepts gifts (dinner, ticket to event, etc.) without reciprocating any different than someone who accepts money for sex?

I've always thought they were one and the same, but I see a lot of the former in our community and a widespread view that it is acceptable social behavior.

What do you think?

Mutual Mary



Dear Mutual Mary,

Your question goes back to the caveman,and is a constant topic that is open for discussion....with many answers! The key to your answer may lie in the words that you have used in your letter. Acceptance, community, approval, gift, and reciprocity.

Words I would keep in mind are: mutual respect, personal values, conscience, contract, image, and prostitution.

Living in a community means having shared things in common with others. Acceptance may mean approval of actions in a community. A gift may mean a token or payment. These words represent the values we live, act, and practice.

But, whose community is being evaluated, and but what standards and rights to do so? What is the difference of a person going out to dinner or vacation with someone they don't like or despise to have an expensive dinner or travel to a destination that they couldn't afford? How about living with some you can't stand so that you're able to s;olit financial concerns, or perhaps of being afraid of starting over? Not much.

I think everything we do in life is a negotiation, a contract with others and ourselves. You may sell yourself short when you exchange sex for payment in any form, and may be seen as a for of prostitution.

On the other hand, if two people enjoy each other and strike up a relationship whatever they do together is their business.

Our position is not to judge, but live by our own values, walk our own steps, and be able to look ourselves in the mirror each morning. If you do that, what reflection of life would you see in yourself? We all need to clean our mirrors once in a while.

Thank you for your letter,


Princess Darby